How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.
What did the drummer say to the band leader?
“Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?”
How can you tell a drummer is at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?
Back up.
What’s the last thing a drummer says in a band?
“Hey, how about we try one of my songs?”
Why do drummers have lots of kids?
They’re not very good at the Rhythm Method.
What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better
Neil Peart could’ve done it.
What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
Pay him the $10 bucks for the pizza.
What’s the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
“Would you like fries with that, sir?
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You know it’s coming, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.
Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their cars?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
“Will the defendant please rise?”
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.
“Hey buddy, how late does the band play?”
“Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer.”
An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out over the entire Indian tribe. The captain exclaimed worriedly, “I don’t like the sound of those drums!”
The chief says, “I know. It’s not our regular drummer.”
